Living Love in the moment...

I hit *new post* and what comes up... ?

A blank page. No title in the title line and a big ol' white box for me to write in... hmmm... it may seem silly... but that blank page hit me hard.

That is life for me right now. I have a lot of decisions to make, but most of them really come down to me asking myself, what do I want and need next? Where am I going? What is this next chapter of life? And does this next chapter of life have some of the same characters from previous chapters?

I have come to realize that not only do we have these monumental times in our life that we often categorize as a 'new chapter', but that really every moment is a blank page waiting to be written. I know... that sounds so corny... and most of you know I'm not that person at all... yet it makes a lot of sense to me.

Right now, for me I may not have a great idea of where I want this 'chapter' to go... but I do know that I want the theme of every moment of my life to be of Love. So that is what I will do and try to be in this moment, even though I don't know exactly what that looks like...

Love.

Blessed Be

I don't even know where to begin...

God is using me in a huge way right now... yet it kills me. I've been hurt and betrayed... yet I'm supposed to Love and extend Grace. How can I Love when I don't feel Loved at all. Somehow the choice to forgive was so easy... so right... so simple... so freeing.

Yet there are so many emotions, so many thoughts, so many questions... it's consuming me. I don't know why this is happening or had to happen, yet I know that I am called to show this world Christ. Even those who rip out my heart and piss on it... am I called to Love.

I don't get how I can feel like such a blessing to many... yet not blessed at all.

Yet he said,

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

I will hold onto and somehow trust in that...

Love.

The call of Prue

Camp.

Supervising high school students... I don't think I really need to say much more... yet, I will:

I've decided this summer I have been a youth pastor everyday... organizing, overseeing, and participating in service projects, Bible studies, and fun communal activities... doing that every day has worn me out.

Now as my co-worker and I feel like we have control over it all, we are drawing to a close. And that means it's time to have a plan for the fall...

but I don't.

Yet I feel like God has called me like He called Abram. Go to the land I will show you... hmmm. I kinda like to have things planned out so I don't even know where to go first... what's the first step when you don't know the destination?

I wish I could say that I'm excited for this next little adventure, but really I'm afraid.